


More Than A Feeling

by cyncyn1110



Series: And the Song Goes on [33]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Dean/Sam - Freeform, M/M, Sam with a soul, Wincest - Freeform, more than a feeling, sweet reunion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-15
Updated: 2016-12-15
Packaged: 2018-09-08 16:55:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8852890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cyncyn1110/pseuds/cyncyn1110
Summary: Sam's soul is back but Dean can't let go of the guilt he feels for giving in to Souless Sam's advances.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, I know I've been gone for a while, if anyone is still reading this thank you for your patience. I'm fighting through a bit of rough patch and I'm starting to see a few rays of sunlight. It's been really difficult to get the energy and inspiration to write but was able to squeeze this little nugget out. As always I hope you like and because I need it right now Always Keep Fighting

"Dean"

His name, spoken from lips he would die for, stopped his heart for a second. The glass of whiskey he was raising to drink from suddenly found itself being slammed back down on the table. 

Dean turned to see his baby brother approaching hesitantly with a look of confusion mixed with relief. The sight of emotions made something inside of Dean nearly break. 

"Sam?" Dean stood and was instantly wrapped up in strong arms that he was afraid he'd never feel around him again. The breath that Sam let out sounded to Dean as if the weight of the world had been lifted off of his shoulders. 

He buried his hands in Sam's hair and pulled back to search hazel speckled with green and gold eyes. What he found there was what he was hoping for, Sam's eyes were rimmed with unshed tears and the kind of guilt that years of being a hunter could only put there. In those eyes everything that they were to each other could be found and Dean could see that it was his Sam staring back at him. 

He placed his forehead against Sam's and closed his own tear filled eyes in a silent thank you to Death for giving him the only thing that mattered to him back. 

"I missed you so much baby." Dean's voice was thick with emotion as he whispered the words. 

"I'm here, I'm right here with you." Dean felt Sam's fingers ghosting across his jaw and cheeks. It didn't take a genius to realize that Sam was remembering beating his brother while Lucifer was beating him. 

They were so lost in each other that they were both startled when Bobby cleared his throat only a few feet away. 

The second Sam saw the older man he was out of Dean's arms and hugging Bobby tightly. Dean could see Bobby tense up and although he loved the man like a father he couldn't help but feel a small amount of anger at his reaction to Sam. 

"Good to see you." Bobby couldn't even hug Sam properly, it took all Dean had not to snap at him. 

Sam pulled back and searched Bobby's face. "Wait. I saw you... I ... felt Lucifer snap your neck."

"Well Cas kind of..."

"Cas is alive?" Sam interrupted and looked over to Dean who did his best to cover the "oh shit" look that was undoubtably flashing across his face. 

"Yeah, Cas... Cas is fine." Dean stepped forward and tugged Sam closer to himself and noticeably away from Bobby. "Sam are you okay?" 

"Actually, um... I'm starving.   
\-----------------------------------

Sam sat next to Dean in the Impala with his hand clasped inside of Dean's. The soothing circles Dean was rubbing on his skin were doing nothing to keep doubts and questions from flashing through his mind. 

He knew something wasn't right despite Dean's reassurances. The first hint was in the way Bobby seemed uncomfortable around him. Sam had tried to chalk it up to the fact that the last time he'd seen the man he had snapped his neck. Well, Lucifer wearing him had snapped his neck. It had still hurt his feelings when the second Sam had included himself in the hunt Dean and Bobby were heading out for the older hunter had bailed. He also hadn't missed the way Dean and Bobby had kept looking at each other when they thought Sam wasn't looking. It left him feeling unsettled. They were definitely keeping something from him. 

The other nagging thought that wouldn't leave him was wondering if Dean had shared his bed during the year and a half that Sam was gone. 

A small, ugly, selfish part of him regretted asking Dean to promise him that he would try and live a normal life with Lisa and Ben. It had hurt him to ask that of his brother in the first place but he really thought that he wouldn't be back. Now that he was, the question was at the forefront of his brain.

"Did you try?" He asked it so quietly that he wasn't sure Dean heard him. Just as he was prepared to ask again Dean spoke. 

"Try?" The way Dean kept his eyes on the road told Sam that he knew exactly what the question was. 

"To go live a life....after. You do remember I made you promise that right?" 

"Yeah, I remember." He was still avoiding looking at Sam. 

"So, you didn't try." He tried to keep the hopeful lilt out of the statement. 

"What makes you think I didn't?" Dean's thumb never ceased it's soothing rhythm. 

"We'll because you're here with me." Sam felt his stomach lurch at the thought that maybe Lisa was waiting at home for Dean to return from saving his baby brother. He waited for Dean's response for what felt like eternity. 

"I was with them for a year." The way Dean gripped Sam's hand as if he was afraid Sam would pull away didn't go unnoticed. 

"A year?" When Dean nodded still looking ahead Sam continued. "So what happened?" 

For the first time since their conversation began Dean met Sam's eyes. 

"She wasn't you." He released Sam's hand to turn the radio up letting Steven Tyler's voice fill the car then gripped Sam's hand again tightly before relaxing a little and resuming his hypnotic rhythm of smoothing his thumb along Sam's skin. 

\-----------------------------------

When Dean pulled into the Portland Inn's parking lot he let the car idle for a few minutes before shutting off the engine and turning to face Sam. 

"I wanna get one bed, is that ok? We don't have to, I don't want you to think that I just expect you to always want to be with me."

"But I do" Sam said quietly. "Do you always want to be with me? Just because you and Death brought me back doesn't mean you have to stay chained to me. If you want to go back..."

Dean slid closer to Sam and placed his hands on either side of Sam's face. "Don't ever think that. I'm always going to want you Sam. I'm always going to try to get you back." Dean closed the space between them by placing his lips on Sam's gently. He felt Sam relax against him so he took advantage and slipped his tongue into the warmth of Sam's mouth. The payoff was instant. Sparks of pleasure traveled up and down Dean's spine and he couldn't contain the small moan that bled into their kiss. When Sam pulled back, Dean chased his lips until he felt a hand on his chest holding him in place. 

"What's wrong?" Dean's stomach made a small flip in concern that maybe Sam had changed his mind. 

"Go get the room, I'll get the stuff out of the car. " Sam's voice was thick with want and Dean could not be held accountable for leaning in and kissing him senseless before sliding out from behind the wheel in a trot to the office. 

While he was waiting for the room key Dean felt a small amount of guilt creep in, putting a damper on his arousal. He was lying to Sam. Not just a little lie, a big one. He wondered if it would change how Sam felt about him. 

Dean knew he couldn't tell his brother about the time he spent soulless. Death had been clear about not scratching the wall. The only small comfort Dean had about the whole situation was that soulless Sam was right, real Sam did still want to be with Dean. 

By the time he walked back out with the key in hand Dean was lost in an internal debate about wether he was doing right by his brother by lying to him. 

"Stop." Dean looked up to see Sam leaning against the Impala with their bags on the hood. 

"What?" He stopped a few feet away and searched Sam's face for what the problem was.

"I can see it in your face, you're thinking too much."

"Now I've never been accused of that." Dean laughed trying to distract Sam.

"We always do this. We always overthink things and second guess ourselves but not this time." Sam reached a hand out and linked a finger into Dean's belt loop, pulling Dean against himself. "Not tonight ok? Whatever you're worrying about, whatever it is you don't want to tell me, leave it. All of that shit will still be there tomorrow. All I need to know is that you still want me." 

Dean buried a hand in Sam's hair and kissed his lips softly before he pulled back and searched his eyes. 

"I don't just want you, I need you, it's always gonna be that way with you."

Sam responded with a nod and that was all Dean needed to settle his worried mind. They each picked up a duffel and Dean led Sam to their room. Once they were inside they placed their bags on the small table situated in the corner and turned to face each other. 

Dean was the first to make a move. He reached out to brush a strand of hair away from Sam's face letting his fingers tease across tanned skin. He watched Sam's expression carefully as he did so. At his touch the small worry lines eased on Sam's forehead, Dean never thought he'd be so sad to see them disappear. His brother must have picked up on his disappointment because the lines were back in full force. 

"Dean? Are you ok? Because we can stop if..."

"No baby boy, I'm ok. I just..." Dean placed his free hand over Sam's chest. "Can you feel me here?"

Sam looked at him in confusion for a moment before answering. "Of course I do. When I'm near you or thinking about you I can feel this heat starting there. When I'm scared about whether you're ok or you're mad at me or I've messed up enough to lose you, the pain is strong enough so that I can't breath sometimes. When I miss you there's an ache that is persistent enough to drive me crazy." Sam placed his hands on either side of Dean's face. "God Dean there's never been a time when I didn't feel you there."

Dean didn't realize he was crying until Sam's thumbs swiped his tears away. He couldn't help but think about how he had doubted it just a few weeks before and the guilt that he felt at denying Soulless Sam's claims left a rock in his stomach. 

"Sammy.... I" he was cut off by Sam's fingers pressed against his mouth. 

"Dean, I'm home, I've been gone for a year and a half, can we get to the reunion sex already?" Dean choked out a laugh and the smile he got in return was radiant. 

Dean pressed his lips to Sam's and breathed deeply. "I've missed you baby." He slowly unbuttoned Sam's shirt and ran his hands all over smooth skin that he had touched only a couple of days before but still felt as if it had been too long. 

"So do I look like I've bulked up to you? Because I don't remember being this big before I jumped." 

Dean tried to keep his face neutral but lowered it to focus on kissing Sam's chest just in case. "Look as good as ever to me" he said between licks. 

"Not what I asked but..... we'll get to that later." Neither of them missed the small gasp that leaked into Sam's sentence when Dean circled his nipple with his warm tongue. 

As Dean worked to make sure not one inch of Sam's torso was left untouched Sam undressed them both. Even when he bent to unlace Dean's boots the older hunter made sure his hands smoothed the skin on Sam's back so that they never lost contact. Once they were both naked Sam pressed himself against Dean and tucked his face into the crook of Dean's neck. He tightened his arms around Dean's waist and took a deep breath. "I know I wasn't aware of the time that I was gone but I know wherever I was I missed this." 

Instead of answering him Dean held him just as tight. He let Sam get his fill before he moved to spread him out on the bed. Dean grabbed supplies before he blanketed Sam with his own body and devoured his mouth with heat filled kisses. His hips moved against Sam's in time with his tongue leaving them both breathless and ready for more. Dean shifted slightly while he slicked his fingers up, and slid one right in, Sam's eyebrows shot up in surprise. Dean cursed himself for not going slower but Sam reassured him instantly. 

"No, I'm ok, I just thought it would take more prep being that ... Oh!" Dean distracted him by finding the bundle of nerves that always made Sam cry out and pressing against it. He added another finger and went back to mapping Sam's mouth with his own. When he could move in and out easily Dean pushed a third finger in and twisted his hand slightly to make sure Sam was ready for him. 

He felt Sam snake a hand in between them to try and palm his own erection but Dean gripped his wrist in a tight hold. "Don't even think about it" he said in commanding tone. The moment he saw Sam's eyes flit from arousal to recognition he realized what he'd done. When his brother had been soulless he'd enjoyed some bondage and dominance. Dean released his grip on Sam immediately and kissed Sam until he was sure the moment had passed. 

"Dean, I'm ready please." Dean nodded and slowly pulled his fingers from inside of Sam. He let the tips of his digits dance around Sam's pulsing hole for a few seconds before he positioned himself to slide in. The small whine that left Sam's lips when the head of Dean's dick breached him made Dean still. "No! Keep going! Feel good." Dean slid into Sam's heat the rest of the way then settled himself on top of Sam with his arms braced on either side of his head on the pillow. The younger Winchester wrapped his arms around Dean and linked his ankles beneath the older hunter's firm ass pulling him as close as he could. It always amazed Dean how someone's who was so much taller and more muscular could feel so small beneath him. He pumped his hips experimentally was rewarded with a cry of pleasure from Sam. When he pulled out and slid back in slowly he was rewarded again. 

"God Sammy, so damn beautiful." Sam's eyes trained on him and he was mesmerized by the way the light coming from the small lamp situated in the corner of the room made the colors they held glow even brighter. 

"I love you, Dean. I love you so much." He lifted his head and captured Dean's lips in a kiss while moved his hand from his place on the small of Dean's back and spread it across the smooth flesh of his ass feeling its muscles flex as Dean worked himself in and out at a slow pace. 

It had been so long since they had made love this way and Dean wanted to savor it. He moved his hips as if they had the rest of their lives to lay together. He drank in every emotion that crossed Sam's face not letting even the tiniest change in the hazel eyes escape him. He was so busy taking everything in that he didn't realize Sam was so close to coming. His lovers body shuddering beneath him caught him by surprise. He could feel Sam squeezing around his still hard cock and he used it to bring himself off as well finally allowing his eyes to close as his orgasm hit him like a crashing wave. 

When Dean opened his eyes he caught Sam watching him with guilty eyes. 

"What's wrong sweetheart?" Dean brought his hand to Sam's face letting his fingers stroke the smooth skin of his cheek. 

"Sorry, I didn't last long at all, I didn't even make it exciting for you." He could read the shame that was coloring Sam's tone. 

"That was perfect Sammy. You have no idea how perfect that was." Sam quirked an eyebrow in confusion but Dean put him at ease by pulling out slowly, rolling them on their sides and tucking Sam against him. "That's just what I needed baby boy." 

"Dean I know something's up. I can feel it. I know you don't want to tell me and for right now that's ok but you know eventually I'm gonna find out right?"

Dean took a deep breath and pulled Sam in closer. "Let's get some sleep Sam." Dean closed his eyes and evened out his breathing until he felt Sam relax in his arms. If he could help it, Sam's wall would remain intact, he would do whatever it took to keep Sam in the dark. 

\-----------------------------------

"I tricked Cas into telling me." 

"Cas!" Dean yelled "friggin child!"

"You should have told me Dean." It killed Dean the way his boy was shrinking in on himself before his eyes. "I'm so sorry, I can't even begin to say..."

"You weren't supposed to know." 

"What I did to Bobby? To you? Of course I should know." Sam lifted his hand to touch Dean but dropped it as if he didn't want to stain him. 

"No c'mon Sam." Dean took a step closer but Sam backed out of reach. "Look, Death didn't just shove your soul back in, okay? He put up the Great Wall of Sam between you and the things you don't remember. And trust me when I say the things you don't know could kill you. That's not a joke." 

"All right but I have to set things right. Or what I can anyway." When Sam wouldn't meet his eyes Dean shoved into his space and forced eye contact. 

"It wasn't you." They Way Sam was shrinking in on himself made Dean's stomach hurt. 

"You know I feel like I got slipped the worst mickey of all time..... and I woke up to find out that I burnt the whole city down. And you can say it wasn't me but, I'm the one with the zippo in my pocket, you know? So I'm not sure it's that cut and dry. And look I appreciate you trying to protect me, I really do, but I gotta fix what I gotta fix, so I need to know what I did." 

"But you don't know how dangerous that could be" Dean's voice came out in a whisper that he did not recognize. 

"What would you do?" Sam watched his eyes for confirmation. "Right, the same thing."

"Sam..." Dean wrapped his hand around the back of Sam's neck. "Just please..."

"Dean, did I hurt you? Besides the Lisa and the vampire thing, did I make you...?" 

Dean couldn't stand the way Sam's eyes were pleading at him. He pulled his brother tight against himself as Sam's body shook with worry.

"God no Sam, you never... I was miserable with her, the only thing you were was persistent. You said I was the only person you felt anything at all with. Fuck... Sammy everything you gave me I wanted. I was so afraid that I was doing wrong by you, that I was taking advantage but everything we did I wanted." Dean pulled back and kissed Sam's mouth soundly. "You just have to say you forgive me baby, I need to know that being with you then, when you weren't you isn't gonna change the way you feel about me." 

"Dean, I can't imagine any situation or circumstance where I'm not gonna be ok with us. If I said you were the only person that affected me, well I believe it because it's you and even now that I'm fully here I can live with what I did to Bobby and Lisa, I feel like shit about it but I can live with it, but the fact that I let you get turned is killing me. The idea that I may have forced myself on you or done something...."

Dean kissed Sam again to stop the words that were breaking him from leaving his mouth. "You didn't" he said firmly. "Now, I'm telling you the truth here, please Sam, believe me you didn't." 

He held Sam's gaze until he got a small nod from his baby brother then tucked Sam against himself again. "Thank you for bringing me back Dean." 

"I'm always gonna try to get you back Sam."

"I know."


End file.
